I could use some advice/opinions of you lovely ladies (seriously help meeeee....). I got married about three years ago. I had lived at home and saved for the wedding and paid for it (like 90% of it) on my own. I had three bridesmaids, one in college (a SIL), one already married and the third had just bought her first place with her boyfriend.
I knew money was tight for everyone, so did my mom. We were very careful about what we asked my bridesmaids to pay for. My mother and I covered most expenses normally paid for by the bridal party (shower, bachelorette party, hair, etc.). The thing is my friend (who was my maid of honor) recently got engaged. I was told my a mutual friend that I will be asked to be a bridesmaid. The problem is, as I am sure you guessed - MONEY!!!
She is planning on a March or April wedding. DH is already in a wedding next year (his brother's), and in addition to that one we have two other weddings to attend (one out of state). I will be honored if she asks me and while I would love nothing more than to do it, I am worried that I can't afford what is expected. Do I suck it up, say yes and hope I hit the lotto? Do I tell her I would love to but let her know my financial position might make it difficult? Do I just graciously say no?*
*Things complicating the entire situation: I worry our friendship would never be the same if I said no. I asked around the going rate in this area for bridesmaid expenses is a grand. I know she was sort of upset that she had 6 people to ask, she thought that was too many.
What the freak do I do
Sunday, July 12, 2009
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8 comments:
I would explain your finacial situation. Over here in the UK the bride pays for nearly all of the bridesmaids stuff, I cant believe the bridesmaids ove there are expected to pay about a grand. That sounds crazy to me!! I too paid for 90% of my wedding.
Sorry, I digress! I would be straight and honest. Tell her you are honoured, would love to be her bridesmaid, but tell her you can not afford that much expense and it is up to her whether she wishes to choose someone else and that you would understand is she does, or she may want you so much she will help with the costs.
Let us know what happens!
I've always been responsible for my dress and shoes and appearance (i.e. hair, nails, etc.) If you're the matron of honor, then a shower is kind of your job, and you can keep it as simple as you like and invite others to contribute. If it were me, I'd work out what I could afford (with all that stuff included - and I wouldn't be willing to spend more than $500 if I were doing the shower, unless there was travel involved) and tell her that if it's any more than that, you can't afford it right now. Then you can tell her that you'd rather blow your money on a good gift for her, if it comes to it. Good friends understand.
I'm with the other girls; be honest and upfront about your financial situation. If she is a good friend, she will totally understand. It'll suck if it turns out the opposite and I'm so sorry if it does. Good luck, hon!
*HUGS*
I have to agree with everyone else. The other thing you could do is ask (if you are in the wedding) if she would be comfortable with you only participating in certain things to help keep the costs down. Good luck and let us know what happens!
Gah! A grand?! Thats freaking insane!
I was also very careful about what I picked out for my brides maids. A thousand dollars? I cant believe it.
If you dont have the money, you dont have it. And if she is a good friend, she will understand that and do what ever she can to make it A LOT less than a thousand freakin dollars.
Good luck hun!
Thanks every one! I hope that if she does ask me things go well when I tell her the up front and honest truth about my financial situation.
I would like to think she would be conservative but she has already suggested restaurants for her shower and they are running $30 a person. =)
Thirty bucks a person for a shower?! A freakin GRAND for being a bridesmaid?! Someone reel in the bridezilla before she goes on a rampage!
;-)
Totally agree that you should be up front with her about expenses. If she doesn't understand, then it shows her true colors. And *definitely* stick to a budget! Your family comes first and she does not have the right to spend your money.
is your friend a celebrity? ;) sounds like it will be an expensive wedding, too! i agree with everyone else. just lay it out. i think that you should be able to do it without spending an arm and a leg...
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